ALL BUSINESS

Phew. I barely made it this month with my one blog post. I have been so busy workin' hard for the money that I have found myself neglecting this thing. Plus, I'd be lying if I said I have been extremely domestic as of late. I have cooked a few desserts for a party, but have no pictures...aka proof. So unfortunately this is going to be a rather colorless post.

The next best thing, however, (well, at least in my ocd mind) is a list. I don't always get into New Years and those ambitious resolutions, but for some reason this year I feel inspired. Maybe my inspiration comes from having such an imbalanced, crazy year that I am ready for some goals and change of pace. This is what I got so far...

1. Blog more. Yeah, yeah. Once a month has been a pretty pathetic goal to get excited about keeping.
2. The classic - work out. Not sure how that is going to work in the winter, (I will admit I am kind of a wimp in the cold) but since I am trading back to a desk job...it's a necessity!
3. This probably sounds funny...but spend more time getting ready in the mornings. I have the opposite problem as most girls. I squeeze my 'getting ready time' to 10 minutes max. This results in me walking out the door with wet hair and messed up makeup...quite a bit. It ain't pretty.
4. Oh yeah, and figure out my life.

Yep. Should be pretty simple...especially that last one.

PERKS

So my job currently does not have a lot of perks. Working part-time, digging through dumpsters, dealing with static charged packing peanuts...trust me, I could make a whole list. BUT...these super cute ornaments were damaged items at work that I got to keep for free!! The centers had fallen off, but nothing that a little hot glue couldn't fix. Now I am the proud owner of these babies...and ready for Christmas! I realize it isn't even Thanksgiving yet, but I have been looking at Christmas ornaments for 3 months now. I am ready to decorate!

LET THERE BE LIGHT

No. I am not God. I just got a new lamp!

You may have been wondering where I have gone. Blogging has not been high on my list these days. My domesticity (what a great word) as just been in hibernation. Post summer hibernation mainly due to workin' all the time. Now before you can call me a workaholic, I must confess that I spent the beginning of the year volunteering my time away...and my money. I came back to reality in May and have been scrambling to get a little bit of income before dear little honda goes kaput. That pretty much sums up my life.

Now back to this lamp. You see, I have been in a predicament (some like to call it being super picky) But in my search there seems to be about 3 styles of lamps in the 20-30 dollar range..which just happens to be my budget these days. I did fall in love with a lovely little lamp at Pier 1. But even with my discount, that 75 dollar price tag scared me away. So I have been searching everywhere I go for about 2 years now. Sad, I know. But the crazy thing is that beats my current search for a purse (which is at the 3 year mark). So after my fiftieth store and no luck, I decided to just make my own. WHY did I not think of this sooner?!

The best thing about this lamp is it is completely flexible. The base was the cheapest part (that being $4) and I can change the shade or base whenever I want. For a commitment phobe, that is probably the best selling feature I can think of! That and the fact it took 5 minutes to assemble. So easy!

Take that stores!

MAGIC

There are very few cleaning products that make me excited. Let's face it. Cleaning has its limited thrills. However, today I rediscovered a favorite product. I just have to rave about none other than the...drum roll please...Mr. Clean Magic Eraser!


It all started during my Baby Gap days. In the store, we had a chalkboard wall that the snotty little kids liked to cover in crayon artistry...despite the chalk sitting right there. Getting wax off a wall is no easy task...that was, until they bought us these erasers. Then scrubbing that scribble off was so simple. Well, since then I have always had a lot of respect for the product, but not really any need for it. (Yes, this probably does indict me of never cleaning) However, today I went to clean one of my favorite pairs of shoes. They have gotten a lot of wear and as a result had significant black scuffs all over the sides of them. But I picked up my trusty magic eraser, scrubbed for 2 seconds, and they were perfectly clean. I swear...it really is magic!! I wish I had taken a before and after but I had no idea the surprising results...they are good as new!

HOMEMADE FOR THE HOMELESS

I finally did it. I finally made black bean brownies. Months of curiosity satisfied. Not quite what I was expecting, but definitely worth the try. I mean I don't know what anyone expects when you replace the flour with black beans. If they say to use coffee...probably a good idea to cover the bean taste. A note for next time. However, all in all, as long as you compare them more to a chocolate souffle than brownies, they turned out pretty good!

Anyways, these brownies were a project for helping others. My friend and I decided to make food for the homeless. And not just picking up fast food but making food that was good for them. So..thus the black bean brownies emerged. Thankfully we had the guidance of her husband for further instruction. After adding a sandwich and a water to our brown paper sacks we headed off to the streets of Memphis.

The grateful recipients:

#1 Meet Tommy. Not one for many words, but he headed off to a shady spot to enjoy his homemade goodies

#2 Meet Michael. He is our cycling friend. Caught him just in time before getting on the interstate. I have never met a more grateful man.

#3 Meet Carl Brown. A sweet man with some sort of head injury. He is a faithful bystander in front of the White Station Starbucks so we knew just who we were looking for.

I'd say our first day was a success! It was fun to be able to feed 3 guys who didn't have a lunch that day. I don't know if we brightened their day, but they sure did mine!

I GIVE IN

Something about trying to eat healthy makes pizza, white rice, and cookies look so much better than they have ever looked before. I have turned into a shaking, greedy little junk food hoard. Maybe I will do better with some moderation. Seriously have a lot of respect for those health food people out there. Too many bad habits that are too hard to shake. Now I've tasted chocolate...and I'm never going back....

MIDAS AND SALSA

Once upon a time...well in the books I read, there was a king who had the golden touch. Midas was his name. Literally, everything he touched turned to gold. This appeared to be the greatest talent...until his stomach started growling. Yep..that's going to be a problem. Because as he reached for his food...that too turned to gold. And he couldn't eat.

This is the best comparison to how I feel today. There are these beautiful ingredients in my kitchen. Bright green, juicy limes, perfectly shaped tomatoes, and crisp sprigs of cilantro. All appetizing until I touch them. Unfortunately, the things I touch don't turn into gold. If that were the case at least I could sell them and make some money. (Granted, I would have someone else handle my money) Instead, I just end up with salsa that tastes remarkably close to a cleaning product. I am starting to think it may be these tomatoes I got. Deceptively beautiful. Let's hope...otherwise my domestic career has just come to a crashing halt.

Ok, sorry, I just couldn't resist with today's photo! It just made me laugh...

THE GROCERY

So I finally made it the grocery store today. I don't get the privilege...yes, I said privilege very often. Grocery shopping just happens to be one of my favorite errands. The results are edible..come on. Anyways, I had my super long list (it is supposed to last me the WHOLE week) of the few recipes I've chosen to make at home. I tried to find recipes that were different but had similar ingredients and I was off...

I think my shopping habits are now peculiar. 80% of my shopping is done in the produce section. I started freaking out that I was spending too much and then as I was leaving that area I realize I only have a couple items left to buy. They weren't kidding when they said you should shop the perimeter of the store if you want to eat healthy. That is exactly what I did except for the baking aisle, pasta, and canned veggies. I had so many plastic bags of produce piled high in my basket I am pretty sure I looked like a freak. I am still a little self conscious about grabbing whole wheat flour instead of the normal stuff and darting past the cookie aisle. When I didn't have a bag of cheezits in my cart like every other shopper, I started to question my humanity. Normal people eat healthy too, right?

Anyways, I managed to keep my groceries around $50. I certainly wouldn't impress those "coupon moms" out there. But I was proud because I thought it was going to be way worse. I am sure I will get more saavy as I go.

Now that I got the goods, I decided to make home made muesli today. It's something I have been craving since I got back from Cambodia. All the little cafes there would sell it and considering it was cold, filling, and not dangerous like salad...I became obsessed. However, I am realizing making it yourself is NOT cheaper than just buying it pre-made. When did nuts become so expensive? The nuts themselves are the price of the pre-made muesli. Lame.

Anyways, here's my new muesli...and here's the recipe!

A HOT MESS

C
So to ease into my new healthy eating...and before I hit up the grocery. I decided to start with a sweet treat. Oatmeal cookies are about as healthy as cookies can be. And the minimal amounts of flour and white sugar compared with oats and brown sugar gave me just the convincing I needed.

The thing I love about homemade cookies is how simple they are to make. It takes no time at all to whip up the batter. I still hold my breath with each batch because I know how precise you have to be when baking. And I am all about a pinch here and a bunch there. (that is a recipe for disaster) This book is really what I need to understand when you should add the eggs, what you should keep separated, etc. I just look at the directions as a way to dirty another pan, but there is probably a reason to separate bowls. Rules, rules...

I at least know I get close enough to the recipe that they are edible. And that is exactly what they were. So edible...so ooey, gooey good that I ate half the batch because it all fell apart. And we all know crumbs cannot be left. Suffice to say it was a hot mess! But a good one at that!


This recipe can be found here!

PICKING BACK UP

I have gotten a second wind! (seriously, who comes up with these phrases...I never understand them if I actually think about it)

Anyways, my blogging break has been nice. But it's time to pick back up my domestic adventures. I feel I am having a mid-year new year. Well, resolution wise. These concerns for health, diet, exercise...shouldn't they have come January 1st along with the rest of America? But no, it has taken me half the year to muster the energy to drastically change my eating habits. Which means no more easy mac. Gasp.

But it goes much further than that...goodbye processed foods. I have never been one for extreme diets or things like that. Granted I grew up like a bean pole, so there wasn't much use. But I have been a proponent for eating a healthy, balanced diet. Although, in all honesty, it isn't something I typically do. My eating habits have the most closely resembled a teenage boy's over the years. I used to think that bags of popcorn were meant for individual servings. Sharing meant popping another bag. And eating ice cream meant making it through a half gallon after a couple servings. Thankfully a nutrition class in college cured me of those bad habits, but I still found myself eating hot pockets, frozen dinners, and french fries religiously.

So the huge challenge for me is not just eating a healthy meal, but stocking a pantry, menu planning, grocery shopping, and staying within a welfare-like budget. Quite the challenge. I have never had to think long-term about my cooking choices. Just pull out of my mom's pantry the needed ingredients and voila!

So how drastic am I wanting to go? Well here it is... No white flour. No white sugar. I don't know that I can go cold turkey...but that is my ultimate goal. (well, at least when I cook) Everyone needs splurge days!

PLACES

So I read this today, and while I am in this weird place in life...it was a good reminder that no season of life is pointless or useless even when it appears that way:

"Just where you stand in the conflict,
There is your place.
Just where you think you are useless,
Hide not your face.
God placed you there for a purpose,
Whate'er that be;
Think He has chosen you for it;
Work loyally.
Gird on your armor! Be faithful
At toil or rest!
Whate'er it be, never doubting
God's way is the best.
Out in the fight or on picket,
Stand firm and true;
This is the work which your Master
Gives you to do."

OK

I can blog. Maybe it's a mini meltdown. Maybe it's all the old work information I heard today...but I am back. Don't know how long my inspiration will last, but I have got to get this off my chest...

MY FUTURE JOB

Those words hang like a dark ominous cloud over my life. Coming back to Memphis, I knew that it was going to be a transitional time in my life. But as my hours each week at my...yes, part-time jobs...get smaller and smaller. And my paychecks are hardly worth cashing. And the word "benefits" only refers to days off. I am starting to breathe a little more rapidly or just not at all. I don't just hate the economy...I even hate the WORD "economy". I know, I know...it is bad. I get that. But still...I DO NOT want to live in my parent's house until I am 30 which at this rate is my brightest possibility. What am I going to do?!

BLOGGING

I can't blog. I try...and try...and try. And nothin'. Apparently I only enjoy blogging at work.

60

About 60 posts into a blog and I want to create a new one. I am resisting the urge.

So now that I am back home I have been quickly reminded of all the things I have missed..as well some I haven't.

First 10 things I have missed but didn't realize:

1. Sweatshirts and socks
2. Carpet
2. Green grass
3. Garbage disposal
4. Warm water for dishes
5. Clean air
6. An oven
7. Strawberries!
8. Consistent internet
9. A full pantry
10. and last but not least...a whole room to myself!

First thing I have realized I haven't missed...allergies! I am already sneezing. Too bad because I am determined to enjoy this AMAZING weather!! 70 degrees..I seriously couldn't ask for a prettier day! I love you Memphis!

BRR

I have forgotten how cold air conditioning is. Winter clothes...here I come. I also have forgotten how nice air travel is. Blame it on bus rides in Cambodia but I started to think that dirt stained, sneezed on window curtains were typical. Everything is so nice...AND expensive. My first purchase - water - and I almost stopped breathing. Water bottles just got a significant markup. $2.50 is expensive right? I guess airports can do that. Anyways, I am so excited to be in Seoul. Only 8 hours to kill..no big deal...

ELABORATION

Consider this part two. Part one was brief...part two probably won't be. It is easy to make a general statement about life, but elaboration is a little more difficult for me. I am one of those people that is horrible at giving examples when I try to explain something. Oh well, here I go...

This trip to Cambodia has been so great in so many ways. I have enjoyed my time so much here. But as my time is coming to an end, I am realizing the questions that have surfaced here about life and people have not been answered. If I knew the right ways to handle situations, I would do it.

Yet what is the right answer to the consistent begging I see everyday? Am I just supposed to walk by? Give all that I have? I don't have this answered.

What do I do when I learn of dishonesty and abuse happening in secret? Am I supposed to say something? Do I hope someone else exposes it? I don't have this answered.

This type of grey is what bothers me. I know I am supposed to "love my neighbor", but what does loving others look like in those situations? The complexities of life and people and circumstances seem to cloud out the answer.

So where does all this leave me? Sitting...as time passes by. That isn't what I want. I want to make a difference! I want to help! If only I could figure out answers...

DECISIONS

Why does so much of the world have to be grey? I never know what to do. Black and white are much better colors!

UGH

Having what seems to be a cold...in hot weather is not a good combination. Blah.

SUGAR, SUGAR

....oh honey, honey!! ..pour some sugar on me, baby!!

This is the theme song for my life right now. Something about living in Cambodia makes me want sugar like nothing else. So bad I have eaten peeps...and am contemplating chugging honey right now. Dessert is a requirement with a meal...or even a substitute. You think I would have a constant sugar high here. It is a mystery to me.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

I tend to miss the trends. I always like them late...after several years of being popular. Like skinny jeans. Guess I just need some convincing that [insert object here] is actually a worthwhile investment. This now even applies to my music. More specifically...John. He is pretty mainstream. Became popular years ago. Why is it that I am just now obsessed with him? Although, I do have to say that I really like his new cd. Love = Battle. Brilliant.

But these are the songs that I actually repeat way too often..
-Assassin
-Half of My Heart
-Belief
-The Heart of Life
-Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
-Free Fallin'

Irrevelant. Yes, but I needed a break from Excel.

HEAVEN

I am in heaven right now. I unintentionally made the most amazing tortilla chips!! To think I was just trying to make my tortillas less stale...and not to mention tortilla chips are a rare find here in Phnom Penh and just happen to be my favorite snack food. Seriously heaven..I am not kidding. Heaven for me would have these chips and homemade ice cream.

BRUSCHETTA AND BLOGS

I cooked today! ...although it is so much harder to cook in Cambodia. I thought I was clueless at home...add ingredients with labels not in English and you are setting me up for disaster. This one was tasty even though they didn't have garlic where I shopped.

Also, my friend found this blog and now I want to plan parties like this!! ...and the tiny two party is insane!!

TOM AND JERRY

So as of today, I need to add to the collection of wild animals in my house...a mouse and a stray cat. I think we should start closing the front door...

POP IT LIKE ITS HOT

A couple of my fingers now pop in and out of joint as I move them. This is definitely not normal, but fascinating. I have no idea what I did to my hand when I fell. I just hope I can write with it again some day...well, without pain. Sigh...that sounds so nice. You don't realize how much you use something until you can't anymore. I am grateful for my right hand though...without which I wouldn't be able to do much of anything!

THE INVITE

I got invited to my first Cambodian wedding!! The groom couldn't tell me what day it is going to be...so typical. Some things are universal...

LIFE TOGETHER

I love this quote too much not to quote it. I just started reading Life Together by Bonhoeffer today...I am now going through it with my "community" here. Already, I have a much deeper appreciation for the relationships I have been blessed with. This quote is not so much about that, but it stood out because it convicted me..all within the first page. Always a sign of a good read..(oh so this is me quoting Bonhoeffer quoting Luther hah...no plagiarizing here)

"'The Kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with bad people but the devout people...'"

9:00 AM

It's only 9 in the morning, but I am so confident nothing can top the news that I just got. After my grandfather passed away a week ago, I just found out this morning that he left me money! Well, left all the grandkids money. It definitely doesn't replace his presence by any stretch, but is completely exciting to the broke, jobless person that I am at present. Seriously could not be more excited!!!!!!!

WOULD YOU, PRETTY PLEASE?

Enough is enough. Things have got to change. I have gotten my way using my naivety long enough. It just doesn't cut it anymore. I am not seven. No more nice, sweet, innocent Jennifer. No. Maybe I'll still reserve that tendency for my dad, but in the working world, it has gotta stop. The best part of my day today was walking into the shop and telling those guys what to do...with authority...well sort of. I am at least getting better. I may have thrown in a sweet look or two to Harold hoping to win some sympathy, but my demeanor is going to change...or else this shop will never open. Gr. I am FIERCE!

NUTELLA AND PACKAGES

So I would consider myself spoiled today. First of all, I got to meet my roommate...which is super exciting! And then she also brought a package with her from the 'rents. It was full of things I love..which I loved. AND my roommate just happened to bring a copy of People magazine with her. I was so excited it was the Oscar edition..full of beautiful dresses. AND this is where I consider myself spoiled, where I should have been content with all the goodies I got today. But tonight on our way back from dinner, while my roommates bought water...I bought nutella. Apparently living in a different country has changed me...well, changed my cravings. Instead of craving salty things, I now crave chocolate and sweets. Since bananas are plentiful..honey and nutella are my two favorite additions I will now alternate. Mmmmm! Someone is going to have to drag me back home...

HIGHLIGHTS

So I feel like I should just start sharing the highlight of my day. That seems to be what this blog has morphed into anyways. So here's today...

For the first time since I have been in Cambodia, I had a moto driver that not only spoke English but also pulled out a map. Not just any map..a laminated one. If only you could have seen the shocked look on my face. He chatted to me on the way to work, and on the way back took me a different way. He explained that the street he chose was cooler because we rode in the shadows of the buildings and there was not a lot of traffic. Seriously?! This must be the moto driver from heaven. It was exactly the kindness I needed since I am sick and injured!!

DR. DOLITTLE

So I love that fact that there are birds and lizards in my house! I could do without the ants though...although it is helping me work on my housekeeping skills...not a crumb in sight.

TEN

If you know me well at all, you know that I have this thing with the number ten. It's a childhood quirk that never left...and has been reinforced due to my friend Katie who shares the same obsession with the number.

So today as I was sitting waiting for an hour to meet someone at the printing shop, I was bored and was playing with my phone. I have a very basic one here in Cambodia (although it does have a flashlight which is REALLY handy) Anyways, I was looking at the calendar because it doesn't have a lot of features. I had to make due with my inbox and calendar. Getting to the point...sorry its hard to think straight in heat...

I noticed it was the 10th of March which is the 10th week of 2010. Something I never would have noticed except for my boredom waiting. So in honor of being more optimistic and thankful..and for the fact that I had the best day today that I have had in a while....

Here are 10 great things about today:

1. I rode my bike for the first time to the market this morning which beats walking 6 blocks in the heat. Oh, and I didn't get killed riding it...another positive!

2. I was semi-successful in haggling at the market for a frying pan. This is progress from my lame efforts before.

3. I got another thing checked off my list...a copy of the key for the lock at the gate. Now I don't have to feel bad coming in late (and by late I mean past 8:30) and wake the Khmer family downstairs

4. I have help opening the shop. And the BEST people ever..and project manager and a shop teacher who can do any construction things I need.

5. I had the most amazing pumpkin curry soup this afternoon. I think it is sort of surprising, but pumpkin is pretty common around here.

6. We actually made really good headway in the shop today...FINALLY!! Now I can breathe...

7. I HAVE INTERNET!! (which is why I am blogging..and partly because everyone I know is sleeping)

8. I am going to get pizza tonight!

9. I am getting tan! ..well at least today was the first day someone commented on it. I always feel white compared to everyone else here

10. AND I have the most exciting travel plans this weekend to Kep with some friends here!!

WOW

I just have to say...my life today was out of movie!! Seriously! That kind of stuff just doesn't ever happen to me...

Oh...yeah..I guess I will just have to fill you in later. Hope your curiosity doesn't kill you!

24

Oh yeah, and here is just a glimpse of my birthday! The further I get from 21, the older and older I feel. I actually didn't mind this year when the waiter guessed I was 17. I don't have photos from my awesome birthday surprises last night. But I seriously have the most amazing friends EVER! And I loved spending my actual birthday with the fam. I think I appreciate all the time with people because I know it is quickly coming to an end. This was definitely my best birthday year yet!

(And yes, for some reason we lost our number four candle. I was forced to improvise...)

TRAVEL TIME

I am leaving for Cambodia in less than 2 days!!!! So don't expect a lot of blogging for the next couple weeks (at least I don't think so)...but you can read my trip blog. And I will return to my lovely blog once I get all settled. Let's just hope that that is sooner rather than later. I can write from the streets..which at this point is where I will be living. Hah. All I know is I will be glad when my living details are confirmed once for all. Although it wouldn't be an adventure if I knew all that...and I probably shouldn't jump ahead. I still have to make all my flights and not get lost or anything. I am kind of a spastic traveler. I just have this bad habit of not noticing signage. Gate number. Simple..but I look right past it. I don't even mean to. I had first time luck when I traveled to the Philippines. But this trip will be the true test...oh dear. Hopefully next time I write I will actually be in Cambodia...

COMPLAINING

Since I am going to be all grown up tomorrow, I need to get my childlike complaining out of the way tonight.That picture below should have been the photo for this post. I am tired. My eyes are swelling shut. My body aches. I can't think straight. I want bed. And my list of things to do before I leave seems to grow by the minute. Geez...if only things will quit breaking on me. And I don't want to pack and run errands, I just want to hang out with my friendssss.

A MORNING IN MY LIFE...

I am highly ambitious with my alarm times. 7:00. I push snooze upwards of 7 times before turning it off. (This is magnified in cold weather)

Eventually I am brave enough to push off my heated blanket, only to quickly pull it back up. I compare it to swimming in really cold pools. I am the type that drags that whole process out. This morning...for 2 hours. And I am still sitting in bed.

However, after I finally make it out of bed. I hit up the kitchen. Yogurt, bagels, honey nut cheerios. All staple food. (All of which I won't be eating in 5 days..sad)

Then it is on to figuring out what to wear. Most of the time I get back in bed to make this decision. It takes me quite a while and I take up any and every opportunity to get back in bed, even if its only for 2 minutes.

After 10 minutes of bed deliberation about my outfit, and having wasted my entire morning, I devote about 5 minutes to doing my hair and makeup. Most of the reason why I wear my hair up all the time.

Then, if I am not heading to Starbucks I will make tea before I go, putting me 3-4 minutes behind schedule.

Or I blog...probably making me even later. Which is what I am doing this morning. I should go. Gotta primp this morning for my picture in the paper.

HANDS ON A HARD BODY

My plans today did not involve making a snowman...or blogging, but waking up to 5 inches of snow will do that. However, it has given me more time to do a little research...about Hands on a Hard Body. I watched this movie 7 years ago. Wow. That makes me feel old. But one night hanging out with my best friends in high school, we were exposed to the most interesting thing ever. I sat there with my mouth wide open for the entire film. Seriously. And my friends and I have talked about watching it again, but never have. Apparently we have made this film sound so interesting that my friend's husband spent several hours looking for it. Even opened a Netflix account to watch it. All to know avail. Because apparently, it costs over a hundred dollars to buy it on Amazon!! Who knew I would be so lucky to actually get to watch this amazing documentary. But now it makes me want to buy it or rent it SO much more...I want what I can't have.

THE UNGLAMOROUS TRUTH

I don't do laundry very often...as you can tell. I think it's safe to say that my day will be consumed with just such an activity. I'm going in...if you don't hear from me, I probably suffocated underneath.

"YOU KNOW MY LIFE!"

-i've had quite the job

it's going on two years

but today ends this era

and has brought so many tears

-i want to dedicate this post

to the reason i blog at all

my dear coworker katie

who is beautiful and tall

-she begged me for some reading

one day when work was slow

and said that i should start this

if only she would know

-how much she has inspired me

to write and even rhyme

she's definitely the kind of girl

who writes poems all the time

-who knew when we first entered

the doors of mnb

the memories that would be made

and the things that we would see

-the only coworker i can mention

is one no longer there

she snooped and bragged

and told us that she really didn't care

-our days were filled with breaks

and drinking lots of tea

and staring at the hourglass

on our blank computer screen

-my computer's drawn attention

with its rocket blasting sound

but at least i have a friendly face

right when i turn around

-i know that we can be

less professional than..well all

which has caused a lot of drama

in the back along the wall

-at least we are so far removed

so our giggles will not carry

over to the hard working guys

of who we may be wary

-everyday we sat and watched the clock

for noontime was our break

we went to sonic, parks, the car

it was our hour to escape

-the storage days were so fun

we had to lift a box

or two, or twenty five of them

but every thursday stephen rocks

-we made those days out of office fun

between a mouse and locking keys

and discovering a furniture store

we did just what we pleased

-i can't forget our work fish

john david sebastian the third

he is very spastic

and his chewing can be heard

-but we love our little baby

who we have shared so far

we even gave him a vacay home

and buckled him in the car

-i just don't know how i could

be more lucky than i've been

i really have had the best coworker

eight thirty in the a.m.

-every morning without fail

i always have a hunch

on our desks: a mug, some tea

a bag of cheerios to crunch

-so thank you katie for keeping me sane

and all you've done for me

and in return you get

five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact for free!

VALENTINES PART 2

I can't forget. Another tradition I have is getting sweetheart candy from my mom. So sweet. My first two candies this year...

TALK

MATE

Way to break it down guys. Nice and simple.

BETTER THAN OPRAH

I should start a book club. I think I have read more books in the past few months than any other point in my life. Well, maybe except for my AP English class. But my go-to genre lately: depressing. Yep. Countless books, but the topics have been human trafficking, sex trafficking...and now...the Khmer Rouge killings. Very depressing. First They Killed My Father has actually given me a lot more insight into Cambodian culture, but the personal memoir aspect...makes it yet another depressing book. Time to switch genres..I am thinking Ramona Forever next. Maybe it will bring back my childhood naivety.

NUMBERS

Something about movies with numbers in their titles. How to lose a guy in 10 days. 500 days of summer. I am just for some reason drawn to them. And let me just say...500 days is VERY refreshing. I saw it this last August..and watched it again this weekend. It is refreshing in that it is

IT AIN'T PRETTY

What is it about looking at the past that always makes things seem so much better? Why do we sometimes remember all the good memories...and omit the bad? How is it that pain can simply fade with time? It ends up being a dichotomy of memory or expectation versus reality. Maybe idealization. Maybe it is the fact that we control things in our heads..because we can't in actuality. How much easier it is to view the world through the filter of our mind, than with straightforward truth. We rationalize, embellish, pretend, ignore...and we are good at it. At least I am. For example, I tell myself I am safe. Reality is...I am not, nor ever will be here on earth. An earthquake could happen any moment. My house could be robbed. My heart could stop beating. But I ignore this truth most of the time for my own peace of mind. I don't necessarily think that looking at life all the time as unsafe is the answer..or healthy. But it is slightly disturbing that when I sit down and think about it...am I really living in reality...or in my own self-created world? I think when difficult or painful situations hit us...it shakes us out of our "reality" into what is really real. We are not in control. And as pretty as we can make things look in our head...sometimes life is just not pretty. I'll stick with my nostalgic thoughts for now though...enough morbidity for a day. Sweet dreams. Hah.

PS

Being confined to home is not conducive to my personality. I retract my kind statements about winter.

BRRR

I have been a little anti-cold weather lately. Griping about goosebumps. Avoiding the outdoors. When in reality...winter brings some great things:

-I don't seem like a crazy person drinking hot tea in 100 degree weather.
-I love blankets. (especially my heated blanket on my bed)
-Boots. Scarves. Sweaters. Enough said.
-I have a greater appreciation for the heat in my car, hot showers, and certain areas of my house (aka below vents).
-I have an excuse not to run...or at least most people buy it.

And I have learned a lot this winter:

-One of my previous posts gave me two VERY important lessons..
-Also, do not wear hats for longer than an hour unless you want to wear it all day..even indoors. I can now sympathize with guys on this one. I stuck on a winter hat one day thinking it would be a cute accessory. I regretted that decision a few hours later when my two alternatives were exposing my matted, stringy hair stuck to my face or enduring my itchy hat keeping in oven hot heat. Sigh..I endured. No way was I uncovering my hideous hat hair!
-Make sure your boots have traction. This is hazardous on icy days. Mine, as I learned, unfortunately do not have this.
-Have a personal heater permanently attached to your hip. I mooch one of these all the time. (ask my friend Katie).
-And lastly, because cold weather and I don't seem to agree, I've learned to not drive but rather stay inside and make these waffles for breakfast instead. A good compromise for my independence.


Maybe these things are obvious to those Northern folk, but as a Southerner...I (as you can tell) have a lot to learn. Hopefully, someday I can learn to embrace arctic winds and treacherous roads. Until then I am comfortable at home snuggled up under blankets, reading a book and drinking tea...which are on the top of my list for today!

I have been a little anti-cold weather lately. Griping about goosebumps. Avoiding the outdoors. When in reality...winter brings some great things:

-I don't seem like a crazy person drinking hot tea in 100 degree weather.
-I love blankets. (especially my heated blanket on my bed)
-Boots. Scarves. Sweaters. Enough said.
-I have a greater appreciation for the heat in my car, hot showers, and certain areas of my house (aka below vents).
-I have an excuse not to run...or at least most people buy it.

And I have learned a lot this winter:

-One of my previous posts gave me two VERY important lessons..
-Do not wear hats for longer than an hour unless you want to wear it all day..even indoors. I can now sympathize with guys on this one. I stuck on a winter hat one day thinking it would be a cute accessory. I regretted that decision a few hours later when my two alternatives were exposing my matted, stringy hair stuck to my face or enduring the itchy, sweaty hat keeping in oven hot heat. Sigh..I endured. No way was I uncovering my hideous hat hair!
-Make sure your boots have traction. This is hazardous on icy days. Mine, as I learned, unfortunately do not have this.
-Have a personal heater permanently attached to your hip. I mooch one of these all the time. (ask my friend Katie).
-And lastly,

Maybe these things are obvious to those Northern folk, but as a Southerner...I (as you can tell) have a lot to learn.

I HEART ITALY

I think as the temperature drops, I instinctively pull out a pan to start cooking. I am beginning to see it as self preservation. Normally I freeze all the time in the winter. But I actually stay warm working over boiling water and a 400 degree oven. Today, I decided to take on the challenge of all challenges..at least to me. It is one of the things I really wanted to make when I first starting cooking, and just haven't gotten around to. When I find easy meals, I flip right past. A 30 minute meal, I yawn. What inspires me to cook...is taking on something that I am not sure will turn out. It is that anticipation of complete failure that thrills me, and actually makes me feel as though I accomplished something significant when it turns out. The negative is when it doesn't...which is basically anytime I do something for the first time...like tonight. Luckily, so far when my food hasn't turned out it is still edible...just slightly chewier.

On tonight's menu was cheese ravioli with tomato sauce...but the tricky part...it all was made from scratch. Even down to my ricotta cheese.

That's right. You can make ricotta cheese just from milk and buttermilk. Simple as that! This was the most exciting discovery. You simply heat the milk until it begins to curd. Skim the top layer and place in a cheesecloth lined colander. Here's what it looks like in the pot...



...and once it is in the colander. I was a little worried whether I would know if I did it correct or not. But trust me...it really is simple. Well at least as far as I know, I didn't mess this part up. Although, I am sure some chef would groan watching my technique.


Then on to the fun part...and my downfall. If only I were more patient...or had a machine to make pasta. I got bored and tired rolling it out and didn't make it thin enough. The uncooked dough is a lot tougher than most that I am used to working with. Having a machine would have come in handy. Or else I am just too much of a wimp. Well, both are probably true...


Anyways, thick pasta and all, I boiled the ravioli and added the sauce. Here is the finished product...walah! Now if only it were as simple as that pictures makes you believe...


It is crazy, though, to think that I just started with eggs, flour, milk, and tomatoes...and ended up with that!

I CELEBRATE V-DAY

I don't know why it is this way. But it just is. I love Valentines Day. It probably is my favorite holiday. I know, I know. There are a lot of V-Day haters out there. And I completely understand your reasoning...but hear me out.

I agree that forcing romantic gifts is not very romantic. I agree that it puts unnecessary pressure on you if you have a significant other. I agree it can pronounce your lack of love if you don't have a significant other. Singles awareness day as some like to refer to it. BUT...

I like it because:

1. I like hearts. I didn't realize how much until I recently discovered an old notebook of mine full of hearts and "i love hearts" written all across the page. Apparently this is a love that goes back to age 7.

2. It is the closest holiday to my birthday...and has provided several birthday party themes over the years. I didn't get a cool February birthday like the 29th..so I liked to pretend that I was a Valentines baby.

3. My dad gives me a flower every year. And I am a sucker for traditions.

4. Target comes out with the cutest decorations. I caved and bought this cup a couple weeks ago. I am also the owner of a blanket from a previous Valentines. I think it brings out my inner super girly side. If it has hearts on it...I secretly want it.

5. I like to look at it as a day to show love to EVERYone! I have celebrated other years by giving valentines to the elderly, foster kids, sick kids. Love is great..and should be celebrated.

Maybe these in themselves are not the most convincing reasons to participate in this holiday...but they are the things that make me excited for February 14th to roll around. I can guarantee you I won't be wearing black. (although, I also refuse to wear holiday colors on the actual holiday...so you won't see me in pink or red either)

Happy Early V-Day!! I love ALL my readers!

IF I WERE A "FRIEND", TODAY I'D BE PHOEBE

So what started out as a typical day quickly escalated to the most disturbing, horrifying afternoon. Let me explain.

Most of my afternoons at work are spent snacking. I am a boredom eater. I can't help it. And it helps me make it through those long afternoons. Snack breaks are my smoking breaks. Anyways, I had already made my way through a bag of popcorn and was onto my fruit cup...when lo, and behold..this is what I found!



Thought I grabbed a can of mushrooms instead of my peaches. Nope. I instantly lost my appetite. For life. And had to keep the vomiting impulse in check. Disgusting. There are no other words. Well I have a few words for Del Monte after today...and not very nice. This image will forever be ingrained in my mind...and now yours. Enjoy. (Although, at this point you'd have to dig through 3 layers of sealed trash to rescue out these "special" peaches.)

WAITING ON WESLEY

My shower for Jess & Wes...


We started off with food...


Even pretend cupcakes (which are actually made from baby socks and washcloths)...


We welcomed him with festive decorations...


and the cutest gifts...


We played fun games and offered advice...


We smiled for the camera (but left room for Aunt Brittany in Turkey)...


And ended with little favors in baby food jars...


Now if only Wesley will hurry up and come!! (or at least kick for his Aunt Jen)

UH OH

I have run into a problem with cooking. It has made me realize how bad some of the stuff I make is. Like for instance I made cupcakes and frosting from scratch this weekend. Now instead of enjoying them today at work...I keep thinking about how many sticks of butter I used and thinking about it makes me sick. Someone at the shower yesterday said that whoever I marry someday is probably going to be fat. Hah. That is true..unless I get so repulsed I stop making these horribly fattening things. Although, in defense of those recipes, they don't use all the unnatural preservative stuff that is supposed to give you cancer. I choose obesity over cancer any day.

Ugh. Eating two cupcakes at work today was a little over ambitious. Bad idea. Now I AM sick.

FOCUSED

I didn't realize how focused I am when I work on design stuff until...

This weekend I found myself listening to the same song on repeat for 2 whole hours. Then I realized..wait...I think I heard this before. In my defense, I was listening to Joe Purdy and all his stuff sounds the same. But still...that is ridiculous! It is the same at work. It normally takes me an hour (no exaggeration..sadly) with my earphones in my ears to realize I forgot to turn my ipod on. Half the day it looks like I am listening to music...little does everyone know I can actually hear every conversation going on.

The more I think about it...I really think I picked up this bad habit in college working on my projects. I would forget about eating, going to the bathroom...all those basic things you have to do to live. Well...I wouldn't forget. I just wouldn't process anything other than what I was working on so it took me several hours of "thinking" about it...before I made the connection that I should actually do it. It is kind of pitiful when I think about it. Although, that kind of focus is intense! Hah. Now if only I could move objects just by focusing on them...

Well all my attention the past few days has been on getting everything together for the shower I threw my sister in law today! I was so glad I got to do some baby stuff with her before I leave. Pictures to come...

SICK

So if today's post seems incoherent...it is probably because my head feels like it is a big blown up balloon. I believe there is a commercial illustrating this feeling. I had no idea how accurate it was. I am sad to announce that the pride I have had in my immune system has come to a crashing fall in the last 24 hours. Not only have I developed the cold I have been fighting off for the past week, but the blood results of my doctor's visit last week confirmed that I am still having problems with my liver. I was so excited that I have not gotten sick since I had mono this last May...thinking my immune system was back to normal. Guess I was wrong...being healthy is overrated anyways right?

So this morning I stopped to pick up some cold medicine. Nothing is more confusing or frustrating to me than this. When I actually feel bad enough to pick out medicine...normally that means I feel bad enough that I can't think clearly to pick out what I need. 12 hour...4 hour..drowsy..non-drowsy...there are just too many choices. Torturous to me because I want medicine so bad and I am just standing there staring at it. So close to feeling better but yet so far. I always end up buying the wrong thing.

I think its bad that it is still morning and I am already ready for bed tonight. I wonder if they would notice if I took a nap under my desk...

TWO WEEKS

It is official. Singlehandedly, in a matter of moments, I destroyed 5 years of hard work in school, 2 years of tireless labor at my job. All for a volunteer position. Have I lost my mind? Probably.

JUST A SMILE

I know that I should probably get some sleep. 2 hours of sleep last night and a full day of work later...I am exhausted. Yet these girls that have captured my heart are the very thing that keep me from sleeping. I just had turned off my light, settled into my comfortable bed...and processed the last few chapters of a book I am reading on sex trafficking. The emotions from the stories I read seem to hit me in waves. Waves of shock, hope, horror, and grief. And what hit me tonight, in a deeper way than ever, is that as I lie in my bed..right at this very moment..those "stories" I read are happening. It is when you begin to not just see those horrors as true, but real...that is when your heart breaks. And mine is breaking tonight. And all I have now are words on a page. In just a few weeks, I am going to be confronted with faces. I won't be reading about these girls' experiences, I will be hearing about them. As painful as it is to learn about these things, I hope I never become callous to the hell these girls live in.

To say that my mind and heart are in other places than Memphis right now is pretty accurate. Something I read tonight reminded me of my time in the Philippines. I worked with a similar sort of ministry there as they cared for girls coming out of sexually abusive homes...most often from their stepfathers. The book spoke about the power of something as simple as a smile...of looking into each of these girls' eyes with love and just smiling. For most of them...that is something that has never happened to them. The darkness of their slavery has shadowed even that small light. No words are even necessary.

Well, this reminded me of one particular girl when I was in the Philippines...Marilou. This girl and her experiences were more heart wrenching to me than any other in the house, because she was mentally challenged. Who would DARE sexually abuse an 8 year old girl...much less one that doesn't even fully understand her surroundings? But communicating with her was more difficult than any other girl there. We had the language barrier...but also a mental barrier. Yet never have I see the power of "just a smile" become such a precious thing. It was our thing. I couldn't really talk to her, but my smile..and eventually her smile back became our constant communication throughout my weeks there.

All I know is February 14th can't come soon enough. My heart literally aches to give even just a smile to these girls who have been so oppressed to not have experienced that. Yet how much more is there than that...complete healing and recovery may seem impossible with all they have gone through...but not with the God that I have come to know and see work. And this is what I cling to!

HOLIDAYS AND GEEKY TECH STUFF

Another great reason to be a kid...today would be a holiday. And my alarm this morning most definitely confirmed it is NOT a holiday.

So, here I am at work, having to deal with my awesome work computer. Not only did it take about an hour...3 MNB employees...and a tech guy to start my computer this morning. It also went crazy and started doing unexplainable things 30 minutes ago...which confirmed the fact that I really think my computer is schizo. It needs serious help. And so do I after having to use it everyday for 2 years.

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP

I like to think that a particular social tendency I have stems from Thanksgiving...and the fact that I have sat at the kid's table too many years in a row. You see, when I am faced with socializing with an adult or 7th grader, my natural inclination is to converse with the latter. There comes a point when I should probably see that I have more in common with adults, but the mindset ingrained in me year after year was..."I am not an adult. I can't sit with adults." This held true this weekend. I didn't sit with any adults. I think I still see myself as a kid...even if my body says otherwise. This is what happens when you are the youngest in your family...and also the youngest on both sides of your extended family.

However, I am starting to see this as a great thing...I would love to be a kid forever. And hanging out with kids this Friday night made me miss being that age so much more. I want to have sleepovers. I want to play truth or dare. I want boys to have cooties again. Ok, maybe not that last one. Although, I loved watching their repulsed reactions when the movie we watched had a kissing scene...if only they knew.

I especially want to learn hoedown throwdown. I felt so left out when everyone knew it but me. I had no idea I was so out of the loop in kid culture. I can sing every word of Party in the USA, but didn't have a clue that this existed. This dance is to them like the macarena was for me. Sigh, those were the days.



Also, I thought I would include a picture of me and my girls from this weekend. I have realized I hardly ever include personal photos on this thing. Anyways, I know you aren't supposed to have favorites...but in my defense, NONE of the girls would ever be able to guess who my favorite is. So, since they don't read this...it is the girl to the right of me with the brown hat. Olivia. Seriously the sweetest girl ever! And the best line dancer by far! Aren't they all so cute though? Gah, I love them all.

PS: How cute are these boots I wore this weekend! You can't see them in the picture above, but I just had to include them. I borrowed them from a friend and I definitely felt more western with those on my feet!

HOWDY

What have I gotten myself into? Not to worry..I really am excited. I am just afraid my excitement might fade at 3 in the morning when all I hear are giggling girls voices and can't sleep. You see, I am volunteering at my church's kids lock-in tonight. It will be fun because they put me in the room with my 4th-6th grade girls. And they were excited I was going to be with them...which is reassuring because half the time I think I am way more obsessed with them than they are with me.

The theme for tonight is..if you couldn't tell by my title...western. I am thinking my little road trip to Dallas/Ft. Worth a year ago will be helpful. My friend and I went to a rodeo while we were there and I was able to pick up a lot of the lingo...such as "howdy" and hobbies like chewing tobacco. I should be set for tonight. Except, I have yet to figure out what I am going to wear. And I want to go all out. I love dressing up for stuff like this. And haven't dressed up with them since my first week teaching when I dressed up as an aerobics instructor to introduce our theme for the year. No side ponytails or sweat bands tonight, it is gonna be pigtails and boots instead! Ah, it makes me excited just thinking about it!

I was trying to remember the last time I actually wore western garb and realized it was my freshman year of college. I went to an event put on by RUF at MC and we went out to this barn in the middle of nowhere. It was fun as we square and line danced. But the main memory I have was being completely disgusted by an "event" if you want to call it that...spitting crickets. Who does that? Apparently lots of people that I was with..yet, I could not bring myself to try spitting a live cricket. However, my daring and adventurous side at that point was hardly existent so I imagine if presented with that opportunity again I would do it. Or at least just eat it...

GOOD READ

I don't really have anything to say today...besides the fact that I am about to get stuck with a ton of needles. And no, I don't have a drug problem. I have a doctor's appt. today. They seem to love to make taking my blood as difficult a process as possible. Several nurses are needed, plus both my arms and hands. Needles don't really bother me that much. But their technique does.

Anyways, speaking of doctors...if you need a good cry, read this blog. {laneanne.blogspot.com} Their honesty through their journey of cancer is refreshing and brings tears to my eyes. Their post "Transparency" is a good example of their vulnerability and honesty...but you gotta start at the beginning!

REPEAT

I can tell I really like a song when it always seems too short or I am disappointed when it ends. Don't Panic by Coldplay has always been one of those for me...2 minutes and 16 seconds is WAY too short...maybe I should just play it on repeat and try to fool myself.

BABY SHOWER!

I thought I would include a photo of my baby shower invites I sent out at the end of last week. I know I promised forever ago that I would post my Christmas party invites and never did...but I am hopeful that a new year means better follow through...hopefully!

I don't think I am more excited about anything in my life than becoming an aunt. Don't be surprised if you see my nephew sporting everything from onesies, to hats, to jackets, to blankets with "i love my aunt jen" on them. I am working on a whole baby line with just such an insignia. It just worries me about how much more this could be magnified when I have children myself. Although, I am skeptical I will be as excited since I will actually have to take care of them all the time and have no one to pass them off to when they get unruly...well maybe my future husband. Hah..No, but I really think aunt is the way to go.

Anyways, those invites are for a baby shower I am throwing for my sister-in-law before I head off in February. I am excited that I won't be missing out on this part..because most likely I will miss his actual birth. (tears most likely will be shed in Cambodia.) However, I was right about the sex of the baby, so since I put the day I come back to Memphis as his birthday...I am hoping I am right about that as well. I can't think of a better welcome home present! :)